I was a successful young manager, doing well, and progressing well in my career. That’s what my managers told me and what was written in my performance appraisals. My internal conversation was quite different. I would worry, and be so nervous about making presentations to staff and colleagues, let alone the wider business audience. I avoided making them as much as possible.

A kind supportive more experienced colleague could see right through my projected image of “perfection”, and encouraged me to join Jaycees and participate in their Public Speaking course. Thankfully I did.

Although at the time it seemed quite traumatic. I vividly remember having to prepare a 1 minute presentation. On any topic I chose. 1 minute only! That should be a “doddle” you would think. To make it worse a video was being taken of the presentation to be replayed upon completion. From memory I had a least 7 cue cards, and practiced and practiced.

It was my turn to speak. The conversation in my head was the fastest I think I had ever experienced. I managed to get through 45 seconds, got completely flustered, forgot what I intended to say, realised I had shuffled my cue cards and that they were out of order. Out of my mouth came the words “Oh S… I’ve stuffed this up”. My Tutors encourage me to keep going, it seemed like minutes were flashing past me and I was stuck for words. Eventually I got back in to the presentation and made it through to the end. I sat down thinking I was complete failure.

As my heart started to slow down I realized next on the agenda was the video replay. Oh no. In front of my eyes I watched a very well presented young businessman, who appeared to have really good self-confidence, speaking with charm and persuasion. At one point he paused in what seemed to be a very natural tempo and said “Oh S… I’ve stuffed this up”.

A great learning experience and eye-opener for me. How I presented to the world, how others saw me, was at the opposite extreme of my internal assessment of myself. It was the start of a journey to “get real” about myself. Being realistic in my self-assessment. Listening to others feedback about the effective, powerful likeable young businessman. Seeing more of the positive things about myself and what I did, rather than just automatically believing my negative self-talk.

Moving a long way further on, I believe personal power is taking responsibility for bringing realism to your self-assessment. If you know your tendency is to be highly self-critical of your deeds and actions, and you can notice when you do it, then you have an alternative. You have no excuse for not reflecting on the successful things you have done, the positive things you have contributed, the difference you have made in your presentation, project, your job, or whatever it is that you have been doing. And to use this realism to empower you in your life throughout the day.

Abundant Thinking 

The voice in my head had been talking to me for decades before I consciously heard it. And once distinguished it was always, always there. Omni-present. Present as I woke in the morning. Still there when I went to sleep at night. My personal radio station, on automatic continuous play, all of the time. As Freddie Mercury sang – “Radio Gaga. All I here is Radio Gaga”.

Through discussion with a group of 100+ people, it became clear this is a normal human condition. Not peculiar to me, or anyone else. Everyone has their own version. Not good or bad. Present as a normal condition of being human.

Radio Gaga can have a profound effect on how we live our lives. But only if we let it. As the broadcast is mostly negative, if we treat it as truth, and live by that truth, then our lives will be immersed in disempowering negativity. Not a good place to dwell.

I often see advice suggesting things to do to eliminate Radio Gaga. But I don’t think there is an on/off switch. Radio Gaga only switchs off when we die! Not a recommended control mechanism!

Once you distinguish the voice in your head as self-talk, your own Radio Gaga, then you have power. You don’t need to turn it off. You have insight to see how clearly it lies to you, broadcasting fallacious propaganda. You have the power to ignore it, laugh at it, let the thoughts pass on through your head.

You can do anything or nothing with your thoughts. They are just that – thoughts. Just because you have a thought doesn’t mean you have to be that thought, or live that thought.

Whenever you want you can create your own positive, empowering and grateful thoughts. When you generate positive, grateful thoughts, you become energised, effective, solution oriented and happy.

Always remember. “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make our world”.

You hold the power. So use it wisely.

It’s Wednesday. I always like reading Neil Rosenthal’s “Intimacy” column in the DominionPost supplement “Life”. He always passes on wisdom in the area of life and relationships. As a Career Strategy and Leadership Coach I find there is always gold in reading his column.

What issues in our jobs and careers are not life and/or relationship issues?

One of many pieces of gold from Neil this week:  “When you focus on what you have or what you’re trying to accomplish, you’ll feel better. When you focus on what you don’t have, what has failed, what you’ve lost or what hurts, you’ll feel badly.”

It sounds so simple, yet often we lose perspective on how simple it can be for us. Here we have mindfulness, gratitude, creating possibility, and responsibility for self wrapped up in a couple of sentences. Focus on where you are going, and how to get there, not where you have been.

“Be willing to take some big risks attempting to create what you want. It’s the risks you don’t take that you’ll regret the most later on”. And time is marching on for all of us, so put your concerns aside and get on with it. Keep taking steps toward the job or goals that excite you.